How marriage & relationships can overcome porn addiction

What does the statistics say?

3-5 divorces occur due to out of control porn consumption.

Married couples who watch porn are facing a 200% increased risk of divorce compared to married couples who don’t watch porn.

Discovering porn use and porn addiction

The experience of discovering a partner’s porn use is a heart crushing and devastating one.

It often leaves wife’s with trauma, feelings of betrayal decreased self-worth and feeling cheated on.

The tricky thing though is that they haven’t been cheated on with an actual person who can be removed from the relationship and start working on mutual healing.

It’s a screen, available at the partners “disposal” ALL THE TIME.

It is very common for wives to suffer silently without confronting their husband with their findings and tremendous hurt.

Why you may ask.

The reasons are plentiful.

  • Society in general are downplaying and normalizing porn within relationships and marriages, suggesting that they would be wrong to have these feelings.
  • Many reach out to friends who downplay the issue and don’t see the “big deal”.
  • It is very common to be afraid that the partner will deny, downplay or justify the behavior while blaming her.
  • The fear of that the partner might leave the relationship also occurs frequently.

As a wife or partner to someone with porn addiction it is absolutely vital that you understand that:

PORN ADDICTION IS NOT YOUR FAULT

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR FEELINGS

The lies addiction wants you to believe

  • Everyone watches porn!

Surely it is a commonly occurring behavior, but far from everyone watches porn, especially married people.

Consider the following.

A LOT of people where smokers during the 50’s, does that make it healthy?

  • His porn habit isn’t affecting our relationship

The facts speak loud and clear, porn will dramatically increase the risk of your marriage ending in divorce if the problem is NOT addressed.

The brave couples who seek help here describe many different problems and struggles because of porn.

Common relationship struggles because of porn:

  • Fight and argue a lot.
  • Less sex.
  • Lack of intimacy (partially due to the hurt caused to the partner and partially because the addiction distances the effected person from the emotional life.

If only I dress in certain ways, lose weight, act in certain ways or have plastic surgery, he would stop watching porn

Like any addiction there is no way to “compete” with it, you must reject it.

In the process of trying to match the expectations and ideals of porn people always end up with even deeper wounds.

Porn addiction is special in that it intrudes deeply into the intimacy and connection between two people.

It is easier to be rational and realize you can’t compete against the kick of heroin or cocaine, but it’s much harder to think that way in porn addiction.

Reject it and set boundaries, don’t try to “play” porn’s own “game”, don’t sink to its level it will win every time. You will feel even more hurt every time it happens.

How to move forward towards overcoming & healing

  • Don’t lose yourself, stay true to your values and beliefs.

Life is no sprint; it’s a marathon and profound decisions must be made for the better of the long run.

Communicate how all of this affects you and how it makes you feel.

  • Set boundaries

You and you alone can declare what you tolerate. Make it perfectly clear that you do not tolerate porn addiction in your marriage or relationship.

Understand that addiction causes people to react in very un-rational and manipulative ways to downplay the addiction and turn the tables around even.

You might hear things like “if only we had sex more” but the truth is the porn addiction is the reason you are experiencing your betrayal and why the partner actually creates a distance to make space for the addiction.

  • Confrontation will not rehabilitate or heal the addict, but it will help YOUR healing.

No one can make a person recover. The immediate reason is for you to establish boundaries in order to live true to your values and beliefs in order to start healing.

You will start feeling more confident and secure about who you are.

The addicted partner now has a clear set of boundaries which in fact do help do the extent that now you are both fully aware of how you want to proceed in life and the relationship.

Even though the partner addicted to porn will most likely react in anger, frustration shifting blame and pointing fingers everywhere because such is the nature of addiction, the partner now has a clear set of boundaries to uphold.

It’s not realistic to expect wonders from the partner immediately but with respectful communication you will be able to work out how to proceed in the relationship after these boundaries are made very clear.

In order to protect yourself it is wise to seek professional help regardless of the partner are currently willing to start recovery or not.

You are not responsible for the partners addiction, but you can start working on healing yourself.

To work through the emotions, the trauma, learn how to set healthy boundaries and to distinguish your partners behaviors from the addiction to further understand the partner.

Undisputed PRN Recovery and Twin Rivers Rehab offer unique recovery options that ensures long term sustained results for people that want to end their addiction to porn and for partners to overcome and heal.

Whether you are a busy person that need to work your recovery from home by video sessions or are in need of residential treatment followed by aftercare we provide the solution for you to quit porn for good.

Your comeback story is our passion.

Help is available now
Contact me by phone, Skype or email to get answers, sign up for one of the recovery options or to schedule your free 60min recovery session


Call: +46 73 140 21 03
Email: contact@undisputedrecovery.com
Skype: Chris – Undisputed Recovery

Sources

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3752169/Why-porn-death-knell-happy-marriage-Married-couples-view-adult-material-double-risk-divorce.html#ixzz4I1ZLrD00

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